about the book

It has become more than obvious that most people are, to put it mildly, struggling, and that many do not feel comfortable in their own skin. Under the pressure for “progress” and “success,” today’s civilization, by the sheer weight of modern life, induces stress, tension, and fear, pushing the individual into a templated, inauthentic, and above all empty life. The psychodynamics of an environment that rewards conformism, materialism and (paradoxically) egoism, and that feels the need to control other people’s experience, actively spills over into interpersonal relationships. Its destructive effect is felt most strongly within the family circle, where inadequate patterns of communication and relating to others are learned and built into the personality, which then bends toward extremes. Faced with (often ambiguous and confusing) expectations of others, a person is placed between two poles – either they will submit to these demands and become emotionally dependent on them, or they will rebel against such an “order” and become destructive to themselves and their environment.

The average person is therefore in a constant state of inner division; if we scratch the surface a little, we will notice that such a life is false and incomplete. Under external pressure to constantly be what others expect, the true, authentic self is abandoned, and in its place a defensive conglomerate is formed, a shell that we later call the “personality” or the “I” (ego). This adrenalized state of psychological struggle forces a person to live from day to day, without seeing the bigger picture – existence becomes a circular “game” of living just for the sake of living. Such an inauthentic life, without meaning or purpose, leads nowhere except, unfortunately, into alienation, apathy, anger, dissatisfaction, anxiety, or depression. These states are almost always a by-product of losing oneself and one’s direction in life under the influence of a toxic environment, and not “illnesses” to be “treated” in an institution.

The book explores the very roots of problematic, dysfunctional states of the individual (such as anxiety, depressive states, procrastination, life blocks, narcissism, insecurity in relationships, a sense of emptiness, excessive self-criticism, etc.), and identifies the mechanisms in a person’s psychological history (primarily in interpersonal relationships) that have had a degrading impact on the development of their authenticity and created the ground for inadequate psychodynamics. More specifically, the use of toxic psychology in relationships is both a cause and a consequence of a split within the psychic structures in which a dysfunctional inner critic develops. This inner “apparatus” continues to haunt the person in adulthood, ultimately resulting in a spectrum of psychological difficulties and a life that feels unsatisfying.

These unconscious mechanisms, formed during childhood, are key to understanding the issue and answering the question of why so many people find themselves in a mental-emotional impasse and fail to recognize themselves in their own lives. Becoming aware of their genesis, mode of operation, dynamics, and presence in our everyday lives is the first step toward change and improvement – and by discovering a personal sense of purpose, we begin a journey toward an authentic, truthful, and fulfilling life.