The inner critic is the mental structure from which all persecuting, punishing, angry, aggressive, accusatory, belittling, and, of course, criticizing inner voices, thoughts, and feelings originate. It arises through the internalization of strict, critical, and controlling parental (or other close) figures from our past. In this way, we develop a mental model in which the inner child (our true but lost and stunted “self”) and the inner critic are two conflicting figures. The inner critic is that part of “us” that assigns and maintains the status of a helpless and incompetent child, sending us thoughts (messages, sensations) that we are inadequate, bad, not enough, rejected (or that we deserve to be rejected), unloved (and that we do not deserve love), that everything is always our fault, and so on. It is a persecutory–sadistic mental mechanism that prevents us from living a high-quality, free, and spontaneous life, and from engaging in what we desire (by providing the sensation that others will be dissatisfied with our desires); it instills in us anxiety and fears of making mistakes, failure, punishment, and blackmail. In short, the inner critic is our self-saboteur. How do we fight against it?

Since the inner critic operates subversively and often automatically—unconsciously—we are primarily faced with the task of recognizing and “catching” the critic in action: is it acting, how is it acting, where (in which situations) and why? Its greatest impact is reflected in forcing a person to feel:

Ø Inadequate

Ø Unworthy

Ø Inappropriate/Incompetent

Ø Dysfunctional

Ø Pathetic

Ø Shameful

Ø Responsible (even when they are not)

Ø Guilty

It is an expert at finding flaws in oneself, as well as in others (through projection). What we must emphasize now is the importance of feelings of self-sufficiency, self-worth, and self-respect. Let us understand the dysfunctional critic as a foreign entity that was implanted from the outside, which is now systematically lurking from within to stifle us with toxicity in life itself. We are the ones who fail to set boundaries for it (firstly because we are unaware of it) and then subsequently allow it to overwhelm us to the point where it becomes the primary administrator and manager of our emotional states. Its domain is misery, unhappiness, and suffering. The problem is that most people dealing with this issue hold a highly negative, core attitude toward themselves. This is, of course, once again the critic’s “handiwork”; such an attitude then leads into a circular cycle of misery, reducing lives to a meaningless movement from random point A to random point B. Circulating through life merely to exist, and doing so with a constant sense of inferiority, is unacceptable to us: we want, and we ought to want, a higher level of existence and a higher quality of life.

It is important to be aware of the existence of the dysfunctional critic as an internal “bad object” that acts upon us like atmospheric pressure—from all sides simultaneously and intangibly. It is a pressure that unrealistically pushes us into negative states, most often completely pointlessly, and in those moments its uselessness is revealed. Systematic self-analysis and introspection aimed at identifying the critic involve asking oneself: “Is this my critic at work?” or “Did I say/act this way because something is forcing me to speak/act this way?”. In those moments lies the opportunity to recognize it and, thereby, remove it from our repertoire of reality—as something illusory that attempts to prevent us from everything we do.

The second step is confronting the critic. Once we have identified it as being responsible for the dysfunctional thoughts and feelings that plunge us into states of misery, an open confrontation with it is achieved through internal dialogue. If it is easier, we can visualize the critic in some form—human, or even mythical (as a creature, if that feels more appropriate to someone). In most cases, since a past authority figure has significantly influenced the critic by behaving in precisely that manner—critically—the critic may mentally adopt the image of that authority. Visualizing and initiating a conversation with this internal authority (primarily a parent, but it could be another family member or a close relative) would serve as a foundation for moving forward; not from a “child-parent” level, but in an “adult-parent” mode, or even “parent-parent” if we are parents in real life. We do this with the goal of converting the internal relationship with the bad object into assertive communication (which we will discuss more later), and eventually into an “adult-adult” dynamic. In this regard, once the context is mentally prepared and the critic is envisioned as a conversational partner—if our mode of thinking is not already dialogic in nature (i.e., if we do not “hear” an internal voice criticizing us in a psychological sense)—it is useful to attempt to verbalize the critic’s statements; that is, what it would be saying to us that contributes to us feeling this way.

For example, if we feel ashamed because we expressed our authentic opinion (and there is no external reason for this, i.e., no one has shamed us externally), then we visualize the internal critic telling us a shaming statement appropriate to that state. Then, following the critic’s “statements” regarding our low worth, our “stupidity,” inadequacy, things being poorly done, or “inappropriate” feelings (for instance, an insult like “Now you’ve shown yourself to be a coward”), we proceed by asking questions such as: “What do you want from me now, and what is it that you want in general? Why are you telling me this? What is the purpose of such statements? What is the point of addressing me this way, and what are you trying to achieve?” and so on. The expectation is that a “smart” critic will provide an argument and a logical response; however, this most often does not happen. If it manages to respond at all, it usually does so again through insults or emotional blackmail—essentially *ad hominem* (Latin for “to the person”), or personal attacks.

This is a reflection of weakness in debate—when someone lacks an argument and resorts to attacking you personally or provoking your emotions rather than your intellectual processes, it is likely that the interlocutor is immature and not up to your level, and that their goal is to degrade you as a person, provoke conflict, or engage in emotional manipulation. It is within these mini-situations and micro-fields that small victories are won, which then contribute to the growth of self-confidence and prepare us for further challenges. Unfortunately, they will not stop simply because we “jumped up” once or twice to defend our rights; rather, it will be necessary to systematically unlearn the acceptance of self-defeating and self-destructive statements. We cannot rid ourselves of the critic, but we can become more successful at dealing with its blackmail and provocations. For what it does is, in essence, provocation—specifically provoking our defenses, which in turn fuels our false self that, as we have seen, was created precisely for the purpose of defense.